” Not your circus, not your monkeys!”

So last weekend as I watched the drunkeness, I asked my husband if I was “that bad”? of course he said “no”! I had to remember that he was the one who told me that I didn’t have a problem when sobbing to him about my guilt and self hatred after drinking too much. After I asked the question, I knew it was a dumb question. It goes back to the day I quit, the day I realized that it didn’t matter what my husband thought about my drinking, it mattered that I thought it was a problem. There is no set number of drinks or nights per week or questionnaire that can define if you have a drinking problem. If ANY AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF – THEN -YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!  No, I don’t think I acted like so and so but that is not the point Melanie. I hated myself for feeling out of control. Hated that I couldn’t have just one. I can’t compare myself to anyone. I need to remember my feelings, my purpose for quitting, and not anyone else’s.

My sister ( who likes her beer and wine) asked me how much is “too much”? I tried to explain it to her that it wasn’t about the number but how I felt. I think she was really questioning herself. She responded with, “well, I don’t think I have a problem.” Hmmmmm but it’s not my question to answer for her, it should be to herself.

My daughter told me this funny thing that her friend told her when she was worrying about something she had no control of, she said, “just remember,  it’s Not your circus, Not your monkeys!” I love it!

In other words, change and take control of the only thing that you really can, and that is YOURSELF! I’ve got plenty of my own monkeys, …………and a wolf on the run!  🙂